The Past

Some things can never be forgotten, no matter how much time passes. The way cold smells, watching the sun rise, your true love. Each person in the world is meant to have only one true love. Well, what happens when you find your true love, and they already had their's? Does that mean you lose out? Or, does that mean your true love can not forget what they lost and realize what they have right in front of them?

My boyfriend is great! He loves my kids, he is a great father to his own children, he makes me feel safe and secure, needed and wanted. But, his ex-wife is such a large part of his past that I am having a horrible time getting past it. It doesn't help that she called here at 2:30am the night before Thanksgiving, I am sure she was drunk. I think she is trying to get him back, along with her kids. She wants her family back, even though they have been mine for the past 4 1/2 years.

I try so hard to pretend like it doesn't hurt me when the little things happen, but for me, it is like pretending I don't care! And, it is little things, finding cards and notes from when they had a happy marriage, pictures of her with the kids when they were little, pictures of her, stories about her, knowing she probably sat where I am sitting right now with MY boyfriend holding her in his arms telling her the same things he tells me every day. He loves me, he will always be here for me, everything will be okay. Oh yeah, we live in the house he bought for Her.

Is it all a lie? Is there such a thing as True Love? Does it exist? Or, is it all an illusion for Hallmark to make more money? I don't know ANYONE that has been married 1 time and been happy, even my grandparents. After all of my experience with Love, I have come to the conclusion that unless you are the First, you will never be The One. I am to old to be the first, so I will always have to settle for 2nd Place.